Some Things Cant Be Left Unsaid
by mitcivnoihsaf
Summary: "Do you think my face tastes awesome too?" This story takes place after Finn and Rachel get back together at the end of season 2. Its centers around them rebuilding their relationship and tackling unresolved issues and unanswered questions. Finchel.
1. Chapter 1

I decided to attempt my first Finchel Fic, because I had always wanted to write a story about the two of them immediately after they got back together at the end of season 2.

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><p>"Finn!"<p>

His brothers voice caused him immediately to detach from his girlfriends lips- wait was she his girlfriend again officially? He wanted her to be, and he thought they were together, but they hadn't officially talked about it and-

"Unbelievable" Kurt continued now turning to Blane who stood behind him "Ugh, they've been like this ever since we came home from nationals ...Get a room!" He scoffed before heading upstairs with Blane right behind him.

Finn looked down smirking at the tiny girl in front of him whose face was now burred in the crook of his neck. He was sure she was blushing, he didnt need to see her face to tell that, but he could feel her lips form the shape of a smile, and that was all he needed before he let out a laugh of his own.

"I guess he's right" Rachel looked up at him, still blushing.

Kurt had walked in on them making out every day in the week they had been home for summer break. Finn smiled at the thought of this, they had been inseparable. It seemed like things were falling right back into place. Her dads even insisted that he come over for dinner next week when they got back into town.

"Do you care?" He asked simply

"Well, I-"

Rachel was cut off by Finns lips pressing against her own. She felt his tongue against her lips begging to come in and she opened up allowing its entrance. After a few seconds she pulled away.

"No." She replied shyly before leaning forward and resting her forehead against his. Rachel wasnt sure what was coming over her, had this been last year she would have reprimanded Finn for how rude they were being, but now she didnt seem to care as much. She had Finn back and that was all that seemed to matter, besides it was time she live a little, right? "Im so happy" she let out quietly.

Finn ran has hands down her arms a few times before they rested on-top of her shoulders.

"Me too" He paused, thinking carefully about what he was going to say next. He pulled away from her slightly so he could look her in the eyes "Rach, so are we, um, we're back together right, like officially?" He asked nervously. Sure they've spent every day together for the past week since their last day of glee club, and they made out all the time, and she made him banana bread, and just yesterday she let him touch her boob again, but he had to make sure. Things had been perfect, it was like the picked up right where they left off...like the past six months had never happened. Much to Finns surprise she never even brought up the past, Santana, losing nationals, or wanting to move to New York.

Rachel smiled at him slowly "Well, I'd like to think so"

Finn reached for her hand, his fingers slowly intertwining with hers. He loved the way he just seemed to fit perfectly. It was times like this that he was glad thoughts were private, because if Puck ever heard this, hed never hear the end of it. But it was true. He felt like they were perfect together.

"You know Rachel" Finn began with a lopsided grin "You can kiss me if you want to"

Rachel smiled, before lunging forward to place a kiss on his lips.

As the kiss deepened Finn slowly began to lower her backwards on the couch they were sitting on. Once Rachel was laying down flat he pulled away, propping himself on his elbows to smile at her, before he attacked her lips once more.

Rachel, slowly wrapped her arm around Finns back as the other roamed through his hair. Caught off guard she let out a loud moan as she felt Finns hand snake up the side of her shirt, feeling his cool calloused fingers against her warm skin.

Rachel pulled away for a moment causing Finn to panic "What?" He asked confused

"Maybe we should stop" Rachel began "Kurts one thing...but Id feel terrible if Blane heard us" she bit her lip embarrassed.

Finn raised an eyebrow "You'll just have to be more quiet then" Finn quickly bit her neck playfully and gave her sides a quick squeeze causing Rachel to squeal in a fit of laughter, before Finn silenced her giggles with a sweet kiss.

Finn then lay down beside her, his head on her shoulder. Rachel let out a content sigh and closed her eyes as Finn began to run his fingers lightly up and down her side.

"Hey Rach?"

"Hm" she let out quietly, keeping her eyes closed.

Finn propped himself up on his elbow so her could look at the girl below him. "Do you think my face tastes awesome too?"

Rachels eyes flew open as she looked at her boyfriend confused "What?" she let out a small laugh.

Finn removed his free hand from her side and began to rub the back of his neck unsure of himself. "Well" He began "Its just that, when you kissed Blane, you told him his faced tasted awesome...and I was just thinking how-"

Rachel gabbed his face with her hands pulling Finn down on top of her before silencing him with a deep kiss, licking his bottom lip as she pulled away.

"You taste better than awesome" She beamed at him, causing him to roll his eyes at her. "I'm serious!" She exclaimed

Finn pouted at her jokingly, to which Rachel returned his rolling eyes from moments before.

"Let me show you" She stated simply before kissing him passionately.

As her lips broke away from his, and began to trail down his jaw and neck Finn once again placed his hand under Rachels shirt. He slowly slide his hands up her side where they rested on her breast. When Rachel continued to affectionately place kisses down Finns neck, he cupped the side of her breast before squeezing them gingerly. Letting out a gasp Rachel felt her hips instinctively push into Finns.

"God, Rachel" Finn let out quietly as she began to bite his ear.

"Finn?"

"Shit" Finn mumbled quickly pulling away from Rachel. He sat up immediately on the opposite side of the couch quickly placing a decorative pillow over his lap.

Rachel immediately began to smooth down her hair and her skirt, before she pulled out her bedazzled phone, trying to look busy.

"Hi Rachel!" Carol exclaimed as she entered the Hudson/Hummel living room.

"Hi Mrs. Hud-um Hummel" Rachel laughed before waving and smiling at her enthusiastically.

Carol made her way over to Rachel and leaned down to give her a small hug "Rachel, I told you, call me Carol"

Rachel blushed slightly. "Sorry Carol" Ever since she and Finn had broken up before Christmas, she never knew what to call her anymore. They had been so close before they broke up, and the truth was Rachel felt like Carol must hate her for "breaking Finns heart". Mrs. Hummel just seemed like the safe way to go at this point.

"So what are you two doing tonight?"

"Oh, Blane is taking us all to the Warblers annual end of the year party" Finn paused "He invited everyone in Glee club"

"Oh! Thats right, I didnt realize that was tonight, Kurts been talking about it all week" Carol nodded her head "Im glad to see hes not just making it up, as an excuse to stay with Blane" she laughed.

"Nope, its at one of the seniors house, his parents throw the party for him every year" Finn lied, before looking over at Rachel who was nervously playing with the hem of her dress. No matter how good an actress she was, he knew that lying to his mother still made her uncomfortable.

"That reminds me!" Rachel exclaimed "I better head home and get ready" She jumped up from her spot on the couch and walked over to Finn. Once in front of him she placed her hand ontop of the pillow on his lap, giving him a knowing smirk, before kissing him on the cheek " I'll see you in an hour?" She asked innocently before removing her hand from the pillow.

Finn closed his eyes hard and nodded, before his girlfriend hugged his mom goodbye and skipped out the door.

She was going to be the death of him.

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><p>Next Chapter , the end of the year party and unresolved issues arise!<p>

Reviews Welcome :)


	2. The Santana Factor

Thanks for the reviews and alerts, it means a lot!

Here's Part 2, Enjoy and keep reviewing!

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><p>"I don't see why we have to go" Finn whined, glancing at Rachel quickly before putting his eyes back on the road.<p>

"Because all of our friends are going to be here" Rachel explained before looking out the window.

Finn knew that they were really only going because Rachel felt like they needed to go. After they blew nationals with their kiss Rachel had been feeling extra guilty, and even though everyone claimed to forgive them, Rachel was still nervous about it.

"But Rach, you're the only one I want to spend time with" Finn replied sweetly, before reaching for her hand.

"That's sweet Finn" Rachel began, as she took his larger hand in between her two small ones "But, are you sure it doesn't have anything to do with the fact that my Dads aren't home and your mom okayed you to be out of the house all night?" she sent him a knowing look.

Busted.

Finn laughed and shook his head "I cant believe you would think that" he replied, pretending to be hurt.

The truth was Finn couldn't get the idea of Rachel home alone out of his head. Sure he loved just spending time with her, laying around watching a movie, or spending hours with her on the phone, but there was something about her today that was driving him crazy.

As Finn parked his trunk in the back of Blaine's friends house he eyed Rachel once again. She looked nervous. He knew that parties like this weren't her thing, especially with a group of people she barely knew. He watched as Rachel reached for the door handle.

"Hey" he said quietly reaching for her arm, pulling her back towards him. She looked up at him confused "You know we don't have to do this right, seriously?"

Rachel laughed and rolled her eyes "Finn, I told you, we are not skipping this party just to go back to my house" she said before platting his cheek lightly.

Finn sent her a lopsided grin "I still think its an awesome idea" he said before he raised his eyebrows at her. " I'm serious though, you know you don't owe them anything, right"

Rachel reached up towards Finn and captured his lips in a small kiss before sliding away from him. "Come on, lets go have fun"

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><p>Finn bent over laughing as he watched Lauren Zizes tackle Puck to the ground before taking another sip from his beer. He glanced down at Rachel who had been uncharacteristically quiet since they got there. He nudged her side playfully, earning him a small smile in return.<p>

"You okay?" He asked.

"Yea, I'm just kind of tired." She lied, before returning her gaze to Santana across the room. Santana had been dancing provocatively with one of the Warblers earning an audience filled with catcalls.

The truth was, she was uncomfortable. Immediately when they had entered the party Rachel was distracted by some guy gesturing to Finn and whoever else would listen, about how "hot" Santana was. While Finn just brushed off the comment, she knew deep down it was true. Watching Santana dance around in her short body hugging black dress made Rachel feel inferior. She glanced down at her polka dot sundress she had felt would be perfect for the occasion, before returning her gaze to Santana.

Finn followed her gaze and instinctively placed her arm around her shoulder giving it a quick squeeze.

"You look beautiful tonight" He whispered before placing a loving kiss on her temple, causing her to smile at him sweetly. Finn couldn't understand why she allowed Santana to make her feel this way...even when it seemed like Santana wasn't doing it intentionally. She was beautiful, the prettiest, coolest girl in the room, and he wished that she could see it. Sure she wasn't cool like, super popular, or had these really cool dance moves like Brittany, but she was awesome in her own way, and Finn wouldn't trade it for anyone or anything.

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><p>"Oh My God" Rachel squealed loudly as she watched Kurt attempt to have a 'rap off' with Mercedes.<p>

She grabbed another beer from the counter and opened it. After the third one, they really didn't taste so bad. She peered into living room, spotting Finn leaning against the fireplace having a conversation with Blaine and some other Warbler boy, whose name she couldn't quite remember at the moment.

They had been at the party for a few hours now, and Rachel had to admit to herself, while the first hour was painfully uncomfortable; what with Santana inappropriately dancing around the living room and Quinn crying over seeing Mercedes and Sam together, now she was actually having a good time.

She made a conscious effort to separate herself from Finn, so when Mercedes and Tina convinced her to have a few drinks with them in the kitchen she eagerly followed them.

It wasn't that she didn't want to spend the whole night at Finns side, but she was desperate to make sure that the whole team still didn't hate her for their loss at Nationals. She still wasn't quite convinced that was why they lost, but shockingly, she didn't care. She meant what she said though, she knew they would have another shot and nationals and she didn't regret it. She knew what her dreams were, she had known them her whole life, and being in New York City had only confirmed them. She also knew what it felt like to be loved, and hearing that song that Finn wrote, being with him on that stage...her feelings for him just took control. She couldn't fight it anymore, and she was happy. She didn't know what the future would bring, but Finn was right, New York was a year away and they didn't have to think about that now.

She couldn't tell you what had convinced her to drink tonight. Anyway, maybe it was about fitting in with everyone, they had all seemed to be having such a good time. Or maybe it was about correcting the wrongs she had made last year at her own party. If Rachel Berry knew one thing it was about how reputations stuck, she didn't want to be known forever as the "Needy Girl Drunk", so tonight she would be the fun laughing drunk. She would give Finn his space, and bond with her teammates, her friends...at least that was the plan.

One drink turned into two, which turned into four, or was it five?

Rachel was shaken from her inner ramblings as she spotted Santana walk into the room, with Brittany close behind her.

"Shots!" Santana yelled as she raised a bottle of tequila in the air that she had been carrying around.

Rachel watched as the girls around her, and Kurt, cheered as Santana began to poor shot sized amounts of the clear liquid into plastic cups.

As she passed one to Rachel, she politely declined.

"Berry Loosen up" Santana commanded as she once again pushed the cup into her hand.

"No thanks" Rachel replied as she took a hold of the red solo, before placing it on the counter behind her.

"Really man hands? You lost us nationals and now you think you're too good to have a shot with us?" She scoffed "Ugh, just go home already"

Rachel panicked feeling everyones eyes on her. Things had been going so well, leave it to Santana to make her feel awful once again. She could only think of one way to fix it.

"Shots!" She yelled over enthusiastically before picking up the cup and raising it into the air, she downed the drink quickly before giving one of her bright smiles. It tasted awful, but Rachel was a great actress of course.

"Atta girl shnozzie!" Santana responded with a smirk on her face. "No coughing or anything, Some one should tell Finn that lack of a gag reflex is getting some sort of good use"

Rachel sent Santana a questioning look before turning serious "Santana I don't think that's any of your business" she felt her cheeks turning beet red, as she glanced at Kurt and then down at the floor, studying her loafers.

Santana laughed obnoxiously "What you don't expect me to believe you gave it up, do you?"

"Santana" Mercedes began, only to be cut off by the louder girl.

"Please Rachel, if you put your berry ontop of him, I'm sure you guys wouldn't even be together anymore." Santana ran her hands down her body slily "After hes been with this, how would he even be able to look at your little boy body."

Rachel closed her eyes, ignoring the girl in front of her. "No." she said quietly, before shaking her head, she reached back onto the counter behind her for support. She was always so strong, but Santana had this uncanny ability to make her feel so small.

"Close your eyes all you want princess, it still doesn't change what happened." Santana turned on her heels and headed out of the room "Oh and Rachel, hes just going to get bored again and come crawling back to where he knows his needs will be satisfied." She spat out before laughing evilly as she left the kitchen.


	3. Why dont you want me?

Thanks for the reviews, favorites and alerts!

Yes, laylita83, Santana is a bit of a bitch in this story. I decided to write her like that because this scene takes place fresh from Santana being angry after Nationals, and of course alcohol only brought that out more.

This chapter is fueled by Beer, Tequilla and Rachels 'not so past' insequrities.  
>I hope everyone enjoys it &amp; please keep the reviews coming! =)<p>

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><p>"Rach?" Finn yelled as he walked around the unfamiliar house. He would be lying if he said he didnt feel uneasy. It had been over an hour since he last saw Rachel, and to make matters worse he last saw her with Santana and Brittany doing a shot of something or other in the kitchen.<p>

"Rach!" He yelled again, nearing the end of a narrow hallway.

"Bathroom Finny" He heard Rachel yell out sweetly. The last time he heard her call him Finny was the first and only time she had been drunk. Finn paused before heading to the bathroom door. He felt bad about that night almost six months ago, he wondered if she remembered him calling her needy and annoying. He was such an asshole, but he was hurt...she kissed his best friend after all, only to hurt him. Still, if he could go back in time he would have changed things, told her "they did have it going on", put everything aside just to be with her. But he was angry and hurt back then.

As Finn began to open the bathroom door, his arm was met by Rachel's hand, pulling him inside quickly, before slamming the door behind him.

Finn looked down at his petite girlfriend in front of him. Her face was flushed and her eyes slightly red. She was definitely drunk, but she had this adorable goofy smile plastered on her face and as far as Finn could tell she seemed okay.

"I missed you all night" She exclaimed before hugging him tightly like she never wanted to let go.

Finn wrapped his arms around her waste, returning the hug. " I know I lost you" he replied sweetly, placing a quick kiss ontop of her head.

"Oh Finny, you could never lose me" Rachel beamed, looking up at him "I'm forever yours right?"

Finn laughed, only nodding his head before he bend down to capture her lips in a kiss. She was adorable.

As he pulled away Rachel looked down and pressed her lips together tightly before letting a small shy smile out. That and the look she gave him always drove Finn crazy after he kissed her.

"I saw you with everyone earlier tonight" He began as he tucked a stray hair behind her ear "I told you they weren't mad anymore, even Santana"

She took a shaky breath before taking his hand in hers, leading them over to take a seat on the toilet in the corner of the tiny bathroom. She then placed herself sideways on his lap, before wrapping her arms around his neck.

"Even if they were mad, I'm with you, and happy...s'doesnt matter" She explained, before leaning forward to press her lips against his, enveloping them in a needy kiss.

Finn pulled away, resting his hands on the small of her back, as Rachel absentmindedly ran her fingers through his short dark hair.

"I love your hair" Rachel rambled "Its so...soft!" she said before giggling.

Finn smiled at her before taking one of her hands and placing a kiss on her wrist. "Come on babe, lets head back out, things are starting to die down, and I don't want to miss out on one of the good sleeping spots" He explained before trying to pick Rachel up off his lap. That's why he went looking for her after all, he needed to make sure they'd be able to find a comfortable spot, for the two of them.

Rachel laughed "I'm not tired!" she explained before turning to swing her leg around him, now straddling his waist.

"Well" Finn began, as he pushed Rachel's hair out of her face, tucking a few strands behind her ear "We don't have to go to bed, I think Santana and Zizes were about to get into a fight after Santana tried to kiss Puck"

Rachel closed her eyes and shook her head before placing her hands on Finns shoulders "I don't want to watch a fight" She kissed him slowly before pulling away, remembering what Santana had said in the kitchen " And I don't want to talk about Santana"

Before Finn could respond she latched her lips onto his ear, sucking and nibbling at it. " And I don't want to go to bed" she continued suggestively.

Finn swallowed slowly readjusting himself on the seat under Rachel's weight. He instinctively began to rub his hands up and down her back. He closed his eyes as Rachel began to bite the skin at the base of his neck.

"What do you want to do?" He let out.

Rachel ran her tongue back up his neck until her lips found his mouth once again. She teased his lips with her tongue before sucking on his bottom lip, nipping at it just before she let go.

From where she sitting on Finns lap, she reached onto the counter and took a large gulp from the beer she had left there upon first entering the bathroom.

She needed all the courage she could muster. She was going to prove Santana wrong. She had to.

She placed her hands on either side of his face. "Let me show you" she whispered before drawing his lips in for a lustful kiss.

Finn felt his jeans get tighter as Rachel pressed her hips into his as she deepened the kiss. He had to admit, there was always something so hot about Rachel taking control in situations like this. Before he could even think of what was happening he felt Rachel's hands trail down his chest, placing her hands at the hem of his shirt before breaking away from his kiss so she could pull the t shirt over his head.

Finn let out an uncontrolled moan as he felt Rachel's hands rake down his torso. He let his hands begin to explore her body in response. Seconds later he felt her hands on top of his as they guided his hands up to the straps of her sundress. He watched her close her eyes as she guided his hands, pulling the straps down, allowing the dress to pool at her waist.

"Rach" Finn whispered before he brought his hands up to the back of her head pulling her down for a kiss. "You're perfect" he let out as he let his hands play with her hair, his eyes taking in the site in front of him.

It had been so long since he last saw her like this. It was the night of his Moms wedding, and everything had been perfect. They laughed and danced all night long, and Rachel had told him that she was so proud of him. She wanted to give him a gift, he remembered her saying, and that was the first and last time she would lay beneath him in just her bra. He remembered laying with her chest to chest, feeling each others heartbeats racing and thinking how awesome his girlfriend was that night, and how special it all felt that she wanted to become more innamet..no, intimate with him in that moment.

"I want to show you how perfect I can be Finny" Rachel let out slightly slurred, breaking Finn from his far off memory.

As she began to place small kisses down his chest, her hands reached for the button on his jeans. As her tiny hands rested there Finn felt himself jerk up against her. This was returned by Rachel letting out a whimper before pressing herself even tighter against him, once again capturing his lips in a kiss.

Finn felt like he could die at any moment.

As she pulled away Rachel rested her forehead against Finns before reaching around her back, grasping the clasp on her bra. She let out a shaky breath before unhooking it. She began to pull the straps down from her shoulders one by one.

Finn opened his eyes as he was brought back to reality, smelling the liquor and beer on Rachel's breath. He instinctively pushed her straps back up. He couldn't do it. Not like this.

He couldn't believe what he was doing. He was angry at himself for getting so lost in the moment...Rachel was drunk.

Drunk or not, here he was sitting underneath his hot girlfriend, who was throwing herself at him. He deserved the boyfriend of the year award for this.

"Finny I need you" Rachel whined in protest.

Finn swallowed hard. Still, they were officially together, they had established that. And Rachel wanted him, bad. Would it really be so wrong? He didnt want to hurt her feelings after all, and maybe she wanted it just as much as he did.

"Pleasee" Rachel begged before leaning forward again to place small kisses on Finns collar bone. "f-fuckkmme" she whispered, the two words slurring together.

Finn was quickly shaken from his thoughts. This was not his Rachel.

He gently placed his hands on her shoulders and sat her up, so she was not longer leaning against his chest.

"Rach, no" He shook his head "You're drunk, you don't want to do this" he reasoned with her.

Rachel pouted "All I want is you, I want this"she looked down "I want this for us."

Finn shook his head again. This was going to be harder than he thought. She looked so sad.

"Baby, you're drunk, and we're not doing this in some random Warblers bathroom" he said before he reclasped her bra and pulled up her dress. It took all he had to resist her, but he knew this was wrong, and couldnt live with himself knowing shed regret it.

He wouldn't let her first time feel like his own.

"Finnn" Rachel whined as she ran her hand up his thigh.

"Rachel NO!" Finn yelled as he stood her up just before her hand grazed the bulge in his jeans.

Rachel took a step away from him and squeezed her eyes closed before opening them again.

"Shes right" she said quietly letting a tear run down her cheek.

Finn looked at her confused, before picking his shirt up from the bathroom floor "What?"

Rachel shook her head "If I was Santana you'd fuck me" she yelled.

Finn flinched again when he heard her use that word. How much had she had to drink? How could she even think that?

This couldn't be happening right now.

"Baby, Stop" Finn took a step closer to her, and placed his hand on her arm.

"No" Rachel looked down and shook her head, allowing more tears to fall "I'm never going to be good enough. Why her?" She paused and then yelled "Whats so wrong with me?"

Finn looked at her heart broken before enveloping her in a hug. He slowly ran his hands down her back soothingly "Shh Rach, please stop, nothing is wrong with you"

Rachel pushed him away before stumbling backward, the alcohol clearly catching up with her.

"No." Rachel shook her head before getting louder " Santana's right, you're never going to want me like you wanted her" Rachel leaned against the wall for support. The room was stating to spin now. "I want to go home" she stated simply.

Finn put his shirt back over his head quickly, before walking towards her, and taking her hand in his. "Come on, I'll take you home"

Finn was thankful that he only had two beers tonight. He couldn't let Rachel stay here, not in this state. He didn't know what had gotten into her. Had Santana said something? Either way he had to get her home before she had more to drink, or did something she regretted.

"No." Rachel said flatly "Finn, I can take care of myself."

"Ra-" He began before she cut him off.

"Why do you want me to leave? Is it so you can be with her?" She spat out. She closed her eyes letting more tears fall.

"No!" Finn yelled, getting aggravated. He ran a hand down his face in frustration "Rach you said you wanted to leave, I-"

"You slept with her, and you lied to me...you lied." Rachel pointed her finger at him for emphasis . "And then..." Rachel stopped to exhale loudly "And then you would let her make fun of me, and you- you never stood up for me, and you were supposed to love me" She let out one big slob before crashing into his arms.

Finn could feel his world crashing around him. She looked so broken, so upset and he felt like there was nothing he could do about it right now. Clearly they still had things to talk about, and it was eating away at her. He made a mental note that they would have to clear the air in the morning...but right now, he knew he had to get her home.


	4. Why do I feel like this?

Thanks for those of you who reviewed, Please keep them coming =)!

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><p>"Oh God" Rachel mumbled throwing her hand over her mouth as she ran to her bathroom slamming the door behind her.<p>

Finn sighed, he was exhausted, both mentally and physically. Getting her to leave the party with him was no easy task, especially when Rachel Berry was trying to prove a point. Drunk Rachel Berry was a whole other issue. Once they had reached her house, it took all the strength he could muster to carry a fighting Rachel up the stairs and into her room.

He pushed open the bathroom door slowly to reveal Rachel kneeling in front of her toilet moaning quietly before coughing.

Finn rushed to her side and knelt down beside her. He placed his hand around her waist and began to run it up and down her back gently.

"You okay baby?" He asked, concern in his voice. As aggravated as he had been with Rachel since they left the party, he still hated to see her sick.

Rachel closed her eyes tightly "Go" she mumbled before letting her head hang limp.

Finn shook his head as Rachel started coughing again, this time she began to empty her stomach into the toilet below her.

"Its Okay" He whispered before pulling her hair back with his free hand. He began to blow on the back of her neck where he could see beads of sweat forming.

"Finn Go" Rachel said in between heaves, tears beginning to roll down her cheeks. "I don't want you to see me like this" she confessed.

"Rachel, I have to make sure you're okay" Finn explained.

"Go Finn!" She yelled before letting out a long moan, burying her face into the toilet once more.

Finn had never seen anyone so sick in his life...and that was saying something after he spent countless nights being Pucks DD. He silently wondered how much she had to drink, and what started all of this tonight.

"Rachel, maybe we should get you to bed now" Finn began. He wanted to put an end to this. Having her safe in her bed would make him feel so much better, than sick and agitated.

"No Finny, I want to stay here" Rachel whined before rubbing her head "Ohh why do I feel like this?"

After Rachel had seemed stable for a few moments Finn made his way over to her sink. He quickly grabbed a washcloth and ran cool water over it.

As he returned to his girlfriends side he tilted her head up to look as him. Cupping her cheek in his hand, he took his free hand and began to dab her forehead with the cool water.

Rachel let out a content sigh closing her eyes, "Thank you."

Finns lips curled into a lopsided grin as he dragged the towel down her face. He slowly began to clean the make up from under her eyes as well as her mascara stained tears that had formed on her cheeks.

Suddenly Rachel pulled back "You're not supposed to see me like this, I want you to go" she spat out before letting her forehead rest on the cool toilet seat. "Ohh This feels so good right now."

"Rachel, its fine" Finn chucked at his girlfriends fascination with the cool sensation of the toilet. He began to slide his hand down her back, before letting it rest on the small of her back once more.

"Its not fine!" Rachel yelled out, not lifting her head from its spot. "Uhh Finn don't you see? This is never going to make you want me...who wants a girlfriend like this?"

"I do" Finn stated simply.

"You don't want me" Rachel let out quietly.

"How can you even say that" Finn said as he began to rub his arm up and down her back. He couldn't help but notice her shaky breaths beginning to form again.

Rachel lifted her head up from its resting spot. Finn couldn't help but notice the red mark that had now formed on her forehead. He smiled to himself, if they were under different conditions he so totally would have teased her about that. But now wasn't the time...and even he knew that.

"You wouldn't love me tonight" She said, her eyes looking up at him, a mix of anger and hurt.

"Rachel, I just didn't want to do anything you weren't ready for."

She shook her head before looking away from him. "Maybe you should just go run back to Santana"

Finn immediately whipped his head up. There was anger laced in her voice. How could she even be serious right now?

"Santana?" Finn spat out, hurt.

Rachel nodded her head in an exaggerated fashion before letting it rest once more on the seat.

"I've spent the entire night in a bathroom with you, trying to make sure you're okay and you think I would just go run to Santana?" He raised his voice a little trying to grasp the situation.

"You embarrassed me" Rachel began, causing Finn to pull his hand from her back, like he had just placed it on a hot stove. " Just break up with me Finn, get it over with" She yelled, before letting out a cough, never lifting her head from the toilet.

Finn stood up aggravated. He couldn't believe it. Here she had been throwing herself at him hours before, and he had actually been man enough to refuse his beautiful girlfriend trying to have sex with him...because he knew she would regret it. No matter how much he wanted it. Now he was sitting with her on her bathroom floor holding her hair up, making sure she was okay as she was emptying the contents of her stomach right in front of him.

And she was mad at him?

"Rachel, what are you talking about?" He demanded throwing his hands up in the air.

"Stop it Finn" Rachel slurred before squeezing her eyes shut once more. "You're too loud"

"I just cant believe you right now" Finn let out before storming out of the bathroom, slamming the door behind him.

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><p>Finn woke up to the sound of his phone buzzing in his hand.<p>

Kurt Hummel

After seeing the name, he thought about ignoring the call. He didn't want to talk about it, about anything right now.

Still, he didn't want Kurt to get worried, and call around looking for him. What if he called his Mom and told her he left the party with Rachel? She'd never let him alone with her again.

"Hey, whats up" Finn asked reluctantly while rubbing his eyes with his free hand.

"Finn where the hell are you?" Kurt demanded "We Saw you leave with Rachel hours ago and you never came back"

Finn blinked a few times "What time is it?" he asked ignoring his step brothers question.

"Jesus Finn its 2am, where the hell did you go?" Kurt started to raise his voice "Last I knew you and Rachel were fighting and you took off"

Finn pulled the phone away from him as Kurt yelled "I brought Rachel home, shes sick" he paused "That's all, I'll see you back home tomorrow okay?"

As Finn hung up the phone, he sat up from his spot on the Berry s couch and headed towards their kitchen. He grabbed a tall glass of water and a few aspirin before walking up the long series of steps that lead to Rachel's room.

After placing the water and medicine on the small table next to her bed he opened the bathroom door to see Rachel had fallen asleep with her head in her arms over the toilet. He walked over to her and scooped her petite frame up in his arms gently. Making sure he didn't wake her, he slowly carried her over to her bed.

After placing her on top of her comforter he grabbed a blanket from the chair next to her bed and draped it over her lightly. He bent over to place a sweet kiss on top of her head, before standing up to look at the small girl below him.

This night had not turned out at all like he expected. He imagined them snuggled up on the floor or on a couch after everyone at gone to sleep at the party. In his mind he would tell silly jokes trying to get Rachel to laugh, and she would smile that adorable smile that seemed to make everything right in his world, before they would fall asleep together in each others arms.

Instead they were here, in Rachel's house alone. He had imagined being along with Rachel many times before, and this was not at all like what he had hoped it would be. This being their first "sleep over" together, he didn't imagine he would be sleeping on the couch while his girlfriend was fast asleep in the bathroom.

As Finn looked down at her sleeping soundly he couldn't help but smile. Even after everything tonight she was still adorable. Finn knew she would be embarrassed and hurting tomorrow. He could only hope that she wouldn't remember the scene that had happened in the bathroom earlier...both bathrooms that is. Finn knew that was wishful thinking though and truth be told he didn't know how Rachel would react to her uncharacteristic behavior in the light of day, unmasked by alcohol.

Finns mind began to wander back to his own actions just a few hours ago. He had been so proud of himself all right, until he said it. Until he started to fight back, but she was being ridiculous. And people say things they don't mean when they're mad, right? He silently hoped Rachel wouldn't remember that either.

Either way, he knew they had alot to talk about in the morning, or whenever Rachel would be willing to talk about it. It was a conversation he hoped they would never have to have, all about Santana, Puck, New York...and god knows what else Rachel would want to talk about.

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><p>Please Review =)<p>

The next few chapters will deal a bit more with Rachels insight.


	5. But shouldnt he want to be with me too?

Hi Everyone. Thanks for reviewing =) I hope everyone had a safe and happy holiday!

Anyway, this chapter is a bit shorter than my other ones, but I decided it was a good place to stop here, rather than continue on.

I hope you enjoy!

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><p>"Ughh" Rachel let before rolling over. She glanced at the clock next to her bed blinking 4:57 AM, before lazily rubbing her eyes. She sat up in her bed quickly, groaning as the room still spun slightly. She steadied herself, and reached for the glass of water on her nightstand.<p>

How had it gotten there? Better yet how had she found her bed? The last thing she could remember was Finn storming out of the bathroom.

Finn.

He had to have helped her into bed and thoughtfully left water and medicine out for her. He was probably so mad at her.

After taking the pills and washing them down with a big gulp of water, she slowly at up, spotting Finn asleep in the middle of her floor.

He had been so sweet to her all night, and she let Santana ruin everything. They should have just stayed home like Finn suggested. Still, if Rachel was being honest with herself she knew she couldn't blame this all on Santana. Sure, she was being especially cruel tonight, but she didn't force her to make a fool out of herself in front of her boyfriend.

She hadn't felt this vulnerable in a long time.

Things were going so well too. They had only been back together a week, but something about this seemed different. More mature than last time, they seemed more comfortable with each other and their feelings...or so she thought?

Rachel grimaced remembering the events that took place in the Warblers bathroom. She was practically throwing herself at him, and he was being nothing more than a gentlemen.

Rachel couldn't help but let out an internal sigh of relief. Even though her actions spoke otherwise she was somewhat relieved that she didn't go through with it tonight. She had always imagined her first time special, and not that it wouldn't be special with Finn…but losing her virginity in the bathroom of a rival Glee club member was not exactly the most romantic idea.

But shouldnt he have wanted her too? Here she was the girl he had once told that he loved, the girl that he fought so hard to get back in New York, his girlfriend...and he couldn't even be with her in that way. He had slept with Santana, and they weren't even dating...he never even claimed to love her.

Was he afraid of getting disappointed? She knew she was over the Santana thing, but was he? All of the guys wanted Santana tonight, and she wasn't stupid, or blind for that matter. Finn seemed like he couldn't get enough of her before they left for her party…had seeing Santana tonight changed things?

Your boyfriend was supposed to want to be with you, right?

So maybe she wasn't exactly over it- but she wanted to be over it. And she wanted to be with Finn, but she still wasn't comfortable with everything. They had never really talked about things…the way they should have anyway. She had thought that she could get back together with him, and that would be enough, and she wanted it to be enough, so bad. Being with him was everything that she had wanted, but she knew after tonight she couldn't avoid the past forever, no matter how hard she tried.

After tonight would he still even want her, did he ever really want her at all?

Rachel was shaken from her thoughts as Finn let out a loud snore, the sudden influx in noise causing her to wince slightly.

She knelt down next to him and ran her hand through his hair, causing him to stir in his sleep. Rachel bent forward to place a soft kiss on his cheek, before rubbing the place her lips at just been lovingly. She lightly nudged his shoulder, causing him to slowly open his eyes.

Finn blinked a few times, seeing Rachel kneeling in front of him.

"Hi." He said simply after a few moments, not knowing what else to say.

Rachel gave him a small smile before taking a hold on his hand, gesturing for him to stand up with her. Finn obliged and slowly she led him over to her bed, before she slid underneath the blanket he had laid down for her hours ago. She looked up at Finn who was standing at the side of her bed, awkwardly, unsure of what to do next. Rachel slid over and rolled onto her side, trying to make room for his giant body.

"I'm sorry." She said as he finally crawled in bed next to her. She hardly recognized her own voice. She realized her words sounded much weaker than she originally intended.

Finn nodded before rolling over so now they were facing once another. He draped his arm around her waist, and pulled her closer to him.

Rachel let out a breath of relief she didn't realize she had been holding.

After a few minutes of laying in silence, Finn brought his hand up to her wavy brown hair, and began to smooth it against her head.

"Im sorry if I ever made you feel like I didn't want you" he said quietly, remembering her breakdown in the bathroom.

How could she even compare herself to Santana. Didn't she know he was crazy about her, and only her. She was so confident, and driven...she had this take no prisoners attitude, and hardly ever seemed to let anyone get to her. It was also these same reason that made it easy to forget Rachel's insecurities at times, but he knew differently. Things had to change...he needed to make an effort to show her how much her cared about her, and no one else.

Rachel nuzzled her head into the crook of his neck.

"I know." She replied simply.

She knew they would have a lot to talk about in the morning, but right now Rachel just wanted to lay with her boyfriend, and go to bed. She wanted to forget everything else that happened tonight, and lay here snugged up in his arms. This was the way it should be. Silently she wondered if they would be okay. She couldn't lose him again.

"I Love you Finn" She mumbled before kissing his neck.

Finn couldnt help but smile at hearing those four simple words. It was the first time since they had broken up before Christmas. After everything that had happened tonight, this somehow made it all worth it.

He kissed the top of her head and slowly ran his hand up and down her arm "I love you too" he replied before they drifted off into sleep.

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><p>Please keep those reviews coming, they really motivate me!<p>

The next chapter wont be up for a few more days, and Rachel gets a chance to fully explain herself.


	6. I can see you two together

Hey Guys, I hope everyone had a good Holiday! I decided to split this chapter up in 2 parts (It was getting way too long), so Im posting the first part earlier than expected.

Please Please Review =)

After this chapter I foresee about 3 more and an epilogue. Theres still two more issues Im going to address after they come to terms with their past mistakes involving their initial break up. But if anyone has anything theyd like to see Im open to suggestions!

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><p>Finn turned around startled to see Rachel talking a seat at the island counter in her kitchen, just before she burried her head in her hands letting out an exaggerated moan. He finished cutting up the fruit he had found in her fridge before putting a bowl of watermelon and that orange melon stuff in front of her.<p>

"I am never drinking again" she stated slowly, lifting up her head to look at him.

"How you feeling?" He asked, taking a seat across from her.

Rachel shook her head "I feel like someone ran me over with a car, twice..." she began before popping a watermelon square in her mouth "My head hurts sooo bad"

Finn nodded his head in understanding "That's what drinking everything in sight will do to you" he smirked "What all did you drink last night anyway?"

"That is not funny Finn" she shot him a look before continuing "I don't even know...beer...tequila...other gross things I'm sure..I don't even want to think about it" she stated as she put her hand on her stomach. She had of course gotten sick this morning before she even made her way downstairs.

"You were so sick last night" Finn began as he reached across the counter top to place his hand on top of hers "I was kind of worried" he admitted.

Rachel placed another piece of fruit into her mouth, stalling for time. "What do you want to do today?" She asked in between chews.

She didn't want to talk about anything that had to do with last night for a while.

"I don't know" Finn looked at her confused by her impulsive question. " But really Rach, please don't ever drink that much again, you're so tiny and -"

"I was thinking maybe we could go for a walk and have a picnic" Rachel spat out fast.

A picnic? Really Rachel? She hardly felt like her stomach would be able to handle eating again at all today...but it was the only think she could think of on the spot.

"Wait...are you? Why do you keep changing the subject?" Finn asked.

Rachel looked down "Im not changing the subject Finn, Im merely just trying to suggest something fun for the start of our summer...I mean unless you want to start to rehearse duet numbers for glee, pick out some good ones early and-"

"Rachel will need to talk about this" Finn stated, aggravation apparent in his tone.

Rachel swallowed hard. She knew he was right.

"You, you're right" She nodded her head slowly " Can we please just hang out for a little bit though? Please? Before we get into anything too serious?" 'And so I can wait for this pounding to go away in my head' Rachel thought to herself.

Truth was so didn't want to deal with any of it right now. She was nervous about the conversation that laid on the horizon for the two of them, and needed to delay things if even just for a few hours.

After Rachel finished her fruit in silence she lead Finn into their living room. She took a seat on the couch, right where Finn had fallen asleep initially the night before.

She looked up at Finn "Could you please just hold me for a little bit?"

She was afraid their relationship would be over before it even started again. What if after last night Finn realized this was too much work, that she was too much maintenance to handle? She knew that she could be difficult at times, and had admitted that to him before, but what if now after Quinn, after Santana, he didn't want to deal with anymore drama, or 'needy girls'. After all, Quinn had driven him nuts with her crazy prom preparations.

Finns face softened as he took a seat next to his girlfriend on the couch. He placed his arm around her securely, and she molded her body into his side.

She pressed play on the remote and Funny Girl began to play on the TV in front of them. After a few scenes she draped her arm around his middle and gave him a tight squeeze, like she was afraid he would run off somewhere.

She was also being uncharacteristically quiet, which made Finn worry. Usually she would mouth along whenever Barbra appeared on the screen. "Rach, whats going on?" He wondered aloud.

"What? Nothing, what do you mean?" Rachel stated as she began to play with the bottom him on his shorts nervously.

Finn knew he may have not been the smartest guy in school, but if it was one thing he knew it was Rachel. He knew how to read her every action, most of the time anyway- but hey girls are confusing, alright.

"Really?" He asked, taking his free hand and placing his fingers under her chain. He tilted her head up slightly so she was now looking him in the eyes.

"I dont want to ruin this" She let out a hard breath, and then became uncomfortable with the silence that fallen between them. "Thank you for the breakfast...and the water and everything last night by the way"

Finn leaned in and placed his lips on the top of her head. "Ill always be here to take care of you, you know"

Rachel leaned into Finns shoulder, a small smile plastered on her face, before lifting her head up to bury her nose in his hair. After pulling away she looked up at him curiously.

Finn, feeling her eyes glued to his face, looked at her confused "What?"

"You smell like me.." She began before stopping to take in his scent once more.

Finn smirked "Huh?" he asked, playing dumb.

"Is that my shampoo?" She asked, recognizing the coconut scent.

Finn looked down bashful. "Umm..I wanted to smell delicious!" he responded before laughing.

"You're ridiculous" Rachel teased before poking her finger playfully into his side.

Finn laughed "You want the truth?" noting her nodding head he continued "I wanted to smell you, annd you smell delicious sooo.." He looked up at Rachel and couldn't quite read the expression on her face. Uh-oh...did she think this was some sort of weirdo creepy stalker trait. "I mean I know its stupid and all but-"

He was cut off mid sentence as he felt Rachel's smooth wet lets pressed softly against his own.

"Thats not stupid" She responded as she pulled away looking him lovingly in the eyes.

These were the moments that she lived for. Her favorite moments in her relationship with Finn, when they could just goof around and be with one another. With him she never had to worry about him making fun of her for weird quirks and visa versa. They could just be with one another, and Rachel thought that was something special.

They were part of something special, to say the least. And it had taken almost six months for them to find that special place once again.

Rachel looked down and began to play with her hands anxiously. "I really love you Finn, we cant mess this up again"

Finn nodded his head in agreement as he wrapped his arm around Rachels tiny frame. " I know" He turned his body now to give her his full attention. "Rachel, I don't want to talk about this anymore than you do. I'm just as scared as you are. "He admitted looking down momentarily, before looking her in the eyes once more. "But we need to...we owe it to us to really, uh, to really move on from everything you know?"

Rachel nodded her head slowly before closing her eyes tightly. She knew he was right. She even had the same thoughts the night before, but things are always easier said than done after all. Slowly she began to think about everything that had happened over the past year.

Minutes passed and Finn continued to study Rachels expression.

"Baby, say something" He encouraged quietly, before reaching out to grab her hands in his own.

After a few moments she began. "Finn I hate that when I close my eyes sometimes…its like I can see you two together" Rachel paused opening her deep brown pools again, tears threatening to spill from them at any second "Like it should have been us." She looked down again and shook her head, her voice now starting to shake "And sometimes, even after all this time, if I let myself think about it, it still hurts...s-so much"

Finn took Rachel's small hand and brought it up to his lips, placing a sweet kiss on her knuckles, encouraging her to continue.

"God Finn, I was..I was thinking about being with you…like that" She trailed off, now turning her head to look away from him. Somehow it made reliving the past easier.

"After your Mom got married… I was so proud of you, and the man you were becoming…and you told me how much you loved me. That night, as I laid there, and you were holding me…" She closed her eyes as a tear trickled down her cheek "I just kept thinking about how any other guy would have taken advantage of a girl laying beneath him, half naked…but you were so gentle and just wonderful…I really really thought about taking things a step further for Christmas. I-I thought that I was ready…that we were finally ready. I wanted it to be part of our Chirstmas gift to each other" She spun her head quickly to face him once again, looking him in the eyes "If Santana hadnt told me…would you even have told me…or would you let me think I was your first?"


	7. But Most of All I Love Your Heart

Thanks to those of your that reviewed =) Its my favorite part about posting stories!

Heres part two of their conversation! I hope you guys enjoy it, and please review =)

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><p>"If Santana hadn't told me…would you even have told me…or would you let me think I was your first?" Rachel asked weakly, her eyes searching his for the truth.<p>

Finn's grip on Rachel's hand tightened as he looked at her tear stricken face, she looked so vulnerable and tiny.

He swallowed hard "Of course I would have told you" He slowly ran his hands up her arms before they found their resting place at the top of her shoulders "I couldn't have lived with myself, doing that and letting you think you were my first"

She shook her head, unconvinced "But why didn't you tell me sooner?"

"Because I thought that you'd be mad at me" He admitted. "And I was scared"

"Oh and lying about it seemed to work out so much better?" Rachel shot back, her voiced laced with hurt, she looked down before apologizing quietly.

Finn shook his head as Rachel's gaze began to drop down to the ground "Rachel, I knew that it would crush you." He began "Look at me, Rach, please." She returned her gaze to him. "Anyway, I wanted to tell you, I really thought I should have...but we were so happy...and I, I didn't want to ruin it. I mean after everything that happened the year before with Quinn, and Jesse. I didn't want to lose you again." Finn shook his head. "As time went on, I knew I needed to tell you…it was just never the right time."

Rachel shook her head in disbelief "Finn, there were a million times that you could have told me…I talked about how great it was that I hadn't been…intimate with Jesse, because we could save it for each other all the time" she paused "Or even on that first night that I told you I was still a virgin, why not then?"

"You were so happy and excited that we would get to be each other's firsts, I couldn't do that to you then" Finn swallowed hard. "I chickened out Rachel, you had meant everything to me, and I couldn't risk losing you again" He paused "I loved you too much."

"Would it have even mattered if I did?" Finn asked after minutes that felt like years of uncomfortable silence. This was a question that had been plaguing him since the whole break up fiasco. He had spent countless nights awake wondering if he had just told Rachel, would the outcome have been any different.

Rachel let out a shaky breath. "I don't know" she responded honestly.

It had always been easy to tell herself that if he had just told her, if he had just admitted to her what had happened, then everything would be okay. But the truth was, Rachel wasn't so sure. It was still Santana after all, and it had crushed her.

"I don't know Finn" she continued "I mean, had you told me right away, I don't think I would have felt quite so...betrayed. Part of what really hurt the most was that everyone knew…I felt like you made a fool out of me Like I was some dumb girl who was so in love with her boyfriend, who was perfect in her eyes... and everyone knew about this secret flaw you were hiding from me." She tried to choose her worlds wisely. " But, I think I still would have needed some time apart though, to process everything."

Finn removed one of his hands and ran it through his hair. "I just don't understand, we weren't even together…I didn't cheat on you!" He let out frustrated.

"Its because it was Santana!" Rachel cried out "I told you Finn, it's because of her…and everything that means!" she paused, not liking where the conversation was headed. "I don't think we should talk about this anymore"

Finn got up and started to pace in front of her, leaving Rachel speechless.

"No" He shook his head for emphasis, before kneeling down in front of her. "Rachel, I love you so much…we need to talk about this, or else baby, what happened last night is just going to happen all over again" He placed his hand on her kneel and rubbed it sweetly "This isnt just going to go away unless we get everything out there. I want to understand, I need to know exactly how you felt…no holding back"

Rachel placed her hand on top of his. "Finn, Im afraid that when we talk about everything, it's just going to make it worse, and I don't want to bring us back to that place."

"Please" Finn whispered "Rachel you scared me last night, I have to know why that happened"

She supposed he deserved an explanation.

"Okay" She began to slowly nod her head, before tucking her hair behind her ears. "Okay...Finn, last night, Santana…she was awful to me. She was crude, insulting and made me question every single thing about us." She looked away for a moment "And you know I hardly ever question things that I feel so strongly about."

Finn nodded in response before intertwining his fingers with hers.

"Anyway, what was so bad about it being Santana in the first place is because of how…awful…shes ALWAYS been to me" Rachel continued hoping that this wouldn't ruin their newly rekindled relationship. " Shes always been the girl who has made me question myself the most. Finn you know, I really believe in myself…but she's always been the one to make me shake that confidence. She's attacked the way I look, dress, my religion, my talent…and my relationship with the one person who matters the most to me." She then shook her head, and began to cry silently.

" And the worst part is.." she continued, refusing to look him in the eyes " The worst part is, when we were together last year, I felt like you would let her make fun of me. I knew you loved me…but you, you always just let her get away with everything, and everyone knew it. But I let it go, because I knew that you loved me." She put her head down before continuing, stating the next in a more quiet voice "And I know how much your reputation means to you"."

Rachel took a deep breath "And then when I found out, that you had slept with her…that y-you had kept it a secret from me, and everyone else knew what had happened, I was so humiliated. I was so hurt just thinking about everything… how you had se-" Rachel closed her eyes again. She took her hand away from Finn's grasp and crossed her arms over her chest. "When I thought about how you and she were together and how you let her make fun of me…it almost felt like you guys had this special bond, like you cared about her more than me or something, that you would allow her to do that"

Finn took his finger and whipped away Rachel's tears. His heart was breaking; she was breaking right before his very eyes.

"It hurt me, so much…and that's why I did what I did…after." She finished alluding to her indiscretion with Noah, her eyes still clutched tight. "But you have to know that I only did what I did because I was hurting and embarrassed. You have to know that by now" She stated almost pleading with him.

Finn didn't know what to do, or what to say in this moment. All he wanted to do was envelope her in a hug, kiss her and tell her everything was okay. He wanted to set things straight. She had always been so strong, but here she was falling apart unraveling and he didn't know what to do.

"Rachel" He began his voice unsteady. He reached up to grab her hands, and after some initial resistance he was able to untangle her arms and took each of her hands in his. "Rachel, Rach, look at me" He stated, almost begging.

Rachel slowly opened her eyes to look at the boy in front of her. She knew he was hurting too, his eyes glistening with tears that were threatening to fall at any second.

"Im so sorry" He stated sincerely, never once looking away from her. "You have to know that, I never ever wanted to hurt you…with any of this." He paused looking for the right words, something that didn't sound quite as pathetic, so cowardly. "I felt like I couldn't stand up to her"

He noticed the hurt and confusion mixed in Rachel's face.

"She had the power to ruin everything, and she knew it." He continued, ignoring the tear that had begun to roll painfully slowly down his own cheek. "I knew that if I pissed her off- sorry! If I made her upset she would tell you what had happened between us, and it would ruin everything we had worked so hard to build. So instead of standing up for you, I just went with the flow…I- I guess I never thought about how much it would hurt you…I was too afraid of you finding out about the other thing and breaking up with me" He paused "But uh, I guess it really didn't matter anyway did it?" He asked, more so directed at himself than Rachel.

"God I'm so stupid!" He yelled out putting his head down.

Rachel broke away from his grasp and brought her shaky hands to his face. She cupped the back of his head and leaned forward kissing away a few of his tears, before placing a soft kiss on his lips.

"What was that for?" Finn asked confused, as Rachel pulled away.

"You're not stupid" Rachel stated as she shook her head. "It doesn't make it go away, but, I understand"

They should have had this conversation a long time ago. She meant what she said. Knowing why Finn didn't stand up for her didn't erase all the hurt that she had tried to push away in the past, but she understood why he did it now. She supposed he had the best intentions given the circumstance.

"Rachel, I never wanted to hurt you" Finn said quickly. He brought his hands up to her own face and whipped away her tears again. "I promise, I won't let her get away with anything ever again."

Rachel tried to smile at him sweetly. She then reached up and grabbed his hands, interlocking their fingers; she let them rest on her lap.

"I believe you" she stated simply.

The two on them sat like that for what seemed like forever, either one of them not knowing quite what to say next.

"Rachel, what happened last night" Finn asked quietly, breaking the silence that had grown between them.

Rachel shook her head "It's nothing; really…can't we just forget about it?"

"Nothing made you that upset? You started to tell me before" He gave her a concerned look "Rachel what did she say?"

Rachel bit her bottom lip and shook her head. "I'm so embarrassed."

"She told me that pretty soon you would just go back to her because I wasn't" Rachel looked down and started to play with her hands "Because we weren't having sex" She swallowed hard "She also told me that you'd be disappointed once you were with me, and go crawling back to her anyway"

There she said it. She noticed a flush of anger spread across Finns face instantly.

He had no words, well no words that Rachel would accept hearing.

Rachel continued to pour her heart out. "And then, I mean she's right Finn, you're a senior in high school, I couldn't expect you to wait for me and I didn't want-"

"Rachel Stop!" Finn yelled out, causing his girlfriend to startle, and pull her hands from his grasp.

"Don't you ever think that" he continued before his voice softened. He reached his hand around the back of her head and began to rub it slightly. "Rachel I love you, I don't care if you want to wait until you win your Tony or not. I would never break up with you because of that." He paused "Is that what this is all about?"

Rachel swallowed hard. "Finn, I thought that if we just did it then-"

Finn shook his head "Wait, you really think I'd break up with you to have sex with someone?"

Rachel swallowed hard. He looked hurt. But what else was she supposed to think? Santana had been so convincing, and he was the hottest guy in school, he could have anyone. Sooner or later he would realize that he didn't have to wait around for her.

"Well.." She began.

"Rachel" Finn cut her off and brought his hands up to her face, cupping her cheeks gently. "I Love you. And only you, you're the only one that I want"

He placed a kiss on her forehead before resting his own to hers. "Look I know what happened with Santana, but you're the only want I want that with now." He stated as he closed his eyes.

Rachel closed her own eyes as she fought back tears. Happy tears that is.

"Then why didn't you do it with me?" She wondered out loud, causing Finn to pull away from her.

She didn't mean to ruin the moment, but she never was one for keeping quiet when something was on her mind.

"Had we had sex last night, could you honestly say you would be okay with that? That you were ready for that, again?" Finn asked sincerely.

Rachel stayed silent for a while. "Well, it may not have been the most optimal time, but it would be you…so it would be okay" She paused grimacing as she remembered the events that took place the night before.

"Finn, I was practically throwing myself at you, I just can't help but think…" Rachel shook her head. "It almost makes me feel like you don't look at me that way…that you'd be able to resist me."

Finn let out a laugh causing Rachel to look at him hurt.

Immediately his face turned serious. "No, no, baby, I didn't mean it like that" He began, referring to the laugh that had just escaped him. "How could you think I don't want you in that way"

He placed his hand on his neck and began to rub it nervously.

"Rachel, it took everything…everything I could not to pin you up against the wall and just-" Finn stopped himself noticing Rachels blush "Well..you know" he teased causing her to bury her face in his shoulder.

Finn smiled, before wrapping his arms around his tiny girlfriend. Rachel was rarely every shy, but it was always an adorable surprise when she was.

"You're the prettiest, sweetest…hottest girl I know" Finn stated as he placed a kiss on top of her head. "Rachel, you do things to me…I love so much about you…you have to know that" He explained.

Rachel pulled away and looked up at him. "Like what?" She asked innocently.

Finns lips curved into a lopsided smile, the smile that Rachel swore was reserved just for her.

He kissed her forehead. "Well for one, youre so smart and always teaching me new things." He then placed a sweet kiss near her eye. "And the way you see things, is incredible. You see and want so much for yourself, I told you, I like the way you dream so big. And uh, I think you see things in me that no one else can…and it means a lot to me"

"Finn you're going to do amazing things I-"

Finn placed a finger on Rachel's lips to silence her."Shh, Im telling you about my awesome girlfriend"

Rachel smiled at him shying before letting out a loud giggle.

He placed a kiss on the tip of her nose. "And I love that you're so unique, and that you didn't become a Quinn clone…I love this nose." Finn then smiled before poking her sides and tickling her gently causing Rachel to let out a boisterous laugh. He kissed her lips quickly. "I love your laugh, and your amazing voice. I can listen to them all day."

Finn then moved his hand onto Rachels chest, causing her to give him a questioning look. "But most of all, I love your heart."

Rachel smiled lovingly at him, silently moving his hand from the right side of her chest onto the left.

Finn blushed before letting out a small chuckle "Oh right." They shared a quick laugh as Rachel looped her arms around his neck, letting them rest there for a few moments before she leaned forward and captured his lips with her.

"Well it's a good thing" Rachel replied sweetly as she pulled away "Because it's all yours."

Finn looked at her like he was about to stay something, but was silenced by Rachels lips grabbing a hold of his bottom one. Finn wrapped his arms around her low back as the kiss deepened, pulling her closer to him.

As Finn granted Rachels tongue entrance into his mouth she slowly pushed her weight into him, until they were both lying on her living room floor.

"Thank you" Rachel stated simply, as she sat up, her legs still straddling Finn's waist. Noting the confused expression on his face she continued. "Thank you, for making me feel so loved."

Rachel lay back down until her head rested upon Finns chest, just above his heart. "And for giving me this" She said as she kissed the spot below her.

She smiled to herself as she let her head rest there listening to his steady heartbeat.

They were going to be okay.


	8. You were never living in a fantasy

Thanks to all those who reviewed =)

Sorry for the delay in posting this chapter, things have been getting busy around here!

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><p>Rachel led Finn up the stairs to her bedroom in silence<p>

"What is it Rach?" He asked, growing paranoid that his usually chatty girlfriend hasn't said anything since they left the dinner table. "Uh, do you want to talk about making our kids Jewish again, cause I told you, I'm totally okay with that" He stated remembering the last time she had dragged him to one of their bedrooms 'to talk'.

Rachel shook her head, and began to pace as Finn took a seat on the edge of her bed.

Finn picked up a stuffed hippo and passed it between his hands nervously waiting for his girlfriend to speak. "Say something? You're scaring me" He let out uneasy.

Rachel let her thoughts drift back to the dinner conversation just minutes before.

"_So Finn, what are you plans for the Summer?" Rachels dad asked before taking a forkful of food._

_Finn glanced up and took a slip from his water. "Well sir" he began "I want to spend a lot of time with Rachel" He turned his head to look at his girlfriend who gave him a shy smile. "Only when shes free though, I uh, I don't want to take her away from important stuff" _

_Finn noted the look of approval on Rachel's Dad's face. He had remembered from the summer before that Rachel's parents always made sure she was involved in a lot of volunteer work, as well as singing and dancing lessons throughout the summer. _

_He continued, "And then, I'll be helping out my step dad at his tire shop whenever he needs an extra hand." _

"_That sounds like a great plan Finn, Im just glad you and Rachel worked things out" Rachel's 'Daddy' began. He was always the more sensitive of the two as Finn could remember. "I don't think I've seen her stop smiling since she came home for Summer break"_

"_I heard you put together quite the musical number and, what did you call it sweetie, a work date?" Rachels Dad asked before taking another fork full of food._

"_Huh?" Rachel asked confused. She had only been half listening to the conversation taking place around her. Her thoughts still wrapped around Finn's choice for a Summer job. "Oh yes, that's right Dad" Rachel put on her best smile, before leaning over to kiss Finn lightly on the cheek."It was amazing"  
><em>

_Ever since that fateful trip to New York, Rachel had silently hoped that Finn would choose to live a life in the city with her, and that they would have a whole lifetime of romantic dates ahead of them…now with Finn choosing to work at Burt's she could only hope that her worst fears weren't becoming a reality. _

Rachel stopped suddenly and turned to face him.

"Finn, when you said you're working at Burt's Shop, what do you mean?"

Finn gave her a confused glance. "I'm helping Burt out at the tire shop You know, changing tires and stuff, I start tomorrow"

Rachel's eyes narrowed. "I dont think you should do that"

"What?" Finn asked confused "Whys that?"

Rachel bit her bottom lip before continuing.

_"Do you want to know how this story plays out? I get Finn, you get heartbroken. I'll become a successful real estate agent and Finn will take over Kurt's dad's tire shop. "_

"You're bigger than that" She didn't know what to say. It didn't exactly sound the most mature to admit the real reason. ' Your exgirlfriend told me you'd end up with her while you were going to take over your step dads tire shop'.

"No Rach, the cars have jacks and stuff to lift them up so I can work on them" He explained.

Rachel couldn't help but smile, as she took a seat next to him, taking one of his hands in between her own.

"I just mean, I think you should do something thats going to make you happy in the future" She explained. "You know, work towards your dreams and goals".

"Yea.." Finn responded quietly. The truth was, he was scared. He had no idea what he wanted to do. Sure he loved to sing in glee club, but he wasn't New York good like Rachel, and he was awesome at football...but how many people make it to the pros? Ever since New York and Nationals, he felt kind of lost...the only sure thing he had in life was Rachel.

Rachel smiled, oblivious to Finns concern. "I hope Burt's not mad"

"Huh?" Finn was shaken out of his thoughts "Oh, right, Rach, I have to do this...I told him Id help him out"

"You Cant" Rachel blurted out. Then looked away, ashamed by her outburst.

"Why do you care so much?" Finn asked, still extremely confused by the situation that presented itself. Like, 10 minutes ago they were downstairs goofing around under the table while her Dads told some story. "I mean, don't take offense to that, I like that you care, I'm just confused. Is it because I'm going to get dirty and stuff? Don't worry babe, I'll make sure to clean off before we hang out"

"I just don't like it" Rachel admitted still not looking at him.

Finn was starting to get frustrated. "What's so wrong with me helping out Burt?" He asked. He hated when she acted like this, he knew there was something else to it.

"Because then you'll end up with her!" Rachel blurted out raising her voice, before turning to look at him.

To say that he was confused right now would be a huge understatement. What was she talking about, and why did it look like she was about to cry.

"Rach, what, who?" He asked out of concern.

"Nothing" Rachel said, shaking her head fastly. "I just don't want to see your talents go to waste all Summer"

"Awe but babe, we could still sing all Summer...just you and me" He said giving her a lopsided smile, as he saw her face light up for a moment. He was about to lean in to kiss her when he replayed Rachel's statement in his head. "Wait" He began, causing Rachel to open her eyes, caught off guard from the kiss she was preparing for. "I'll end up with who?"

Rachel sighed, pulling her hands away from Finn. "It's nothing" she said quietly, as she then began to play with the hem of her pink skirt.

Finn slowly shook his head. He knew she was hiding something "I thought we weren't going to do this anymore" He stated, recalling the conversation they had a few days ago. "I thought we were always going to be honest."

Rachel knew he was right. "Finn, you love me right?" She asked quietly.

Finn gave her a questioning look, before wrapping his arms around her shoulders. "Of course I love you."

Rachel let out a hard sigh "Quinn, Im afraid you'll end up with Quinn."

"Really? First Santana, now Quinn?" Finn couldn't help but be slightly annoyed. "Rachel, I told you, it's you and me, you're all that I want."

Rachel shook her head. "She told me that, she would end up here, married to you and you guys would live happily ever after...her working in real estate, and you taking over Burt's shop."

"When did she say that?"

Rachel swallowed hard. "Before sectionals...when she was supposed to be helping me write the original song." She looked down before continuing. "She told me thats how it would all play out, and that I had to stop living in my fantasy or else I would never get it right."

He couldn't believe that Quinn would stoop so low. Quinn was so paranoid that Finn was going to go back to Rachel, that she must have tried to scare her away from him. Finn placed his fingers under her chin, tilting her head up to encourage her to look at him. " So thats why you wrote Get It Right?" he asked.

Rachel only nodded silently.

Finn leaned in to kiss her lovingly on the lips. "You were never living in a fantasy" He stated as he pulled away.

Rachel let out a small smile. "I know", she whispered before placing her hand on the back of his neck, pulling him down for another kiss.

"I just, it scares me Finn" She admitted as she pulled away.

Finn shook his head "She's wrong Rachel." He then pushed lightly on her shoulder, encouraging her to lay down on the bed, before he laid on his side beside her, propping himself up onto his elbow. "Baby, Im going to help Burt this summer... but it doesn't mean Im going to stay here and marry Quinn."

He leaned down to kiss her on the forehead. "I Love you, and you have nothing to be afraid of"

"We have nothing to be afraid of". Finn said with a smile, as he ran the palm of his hand up her shirt, causing Rachel's breath to hitch in her throat.

"Ahem. You should be afraid to finish whatever it is that you're doing." Rachel's father stated from her door, causing Finn to jump off of his girlfriends bed like he was on fire.

"Uhh" Finn scurried around the room and slipped his flip-flops on. "I'm, uh, I gotta go" He spat out. He turned to face Rachel, who was now sitting up on her bead, with her knees to her chest. He hesitated before kissing her on the cheek quickly.

"T-thanks you for dinner Hir- Mr. Berry Sir" Finn squeaked out, as he hurried past Hiram, still standing at Rachel's door.

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><p>"Hi" Finn said into Kurt's cell phone, an uneasy smile on his face, as he sank down into his bed.<p>

"You ran out of here so fast you forgot your phone" Rachel said with a giggle, as she toyed with Finns phone.

"Rach, your Dad is gonna kill me" Finn rushed out. He closed his eyes tightly as he thought about the scene in Rachel's bedroom just hours ago.

"No hes not" Rachel stated, attempting to make her boyfriend feel more at ease. The truth what she knew her father had been angry, but Finn didn't need to know as much.

"Rachel, he caught me about to crawl on top of his daughter on her bed" Finn deadpanned.

Rachel sighed "Okay, but he'll get over it" She paused "Lets just hang out at your house for a while."

"Definitely" Finn stated "Im sorry"

Rachel let out a chuckle "Im not".

"What?" Finn spat out confused. He could have sworn that this was something that Rachel would be annoyed at him over. He could almost hear her saying something about his lack of self-control in her father's house.

"Well" Rachel explained "You made me feel loved" she stated simply, before opening up Finn's flip phone. "You know what else makes me feel loved?"

Finn couldn't help the smile that was plastered all over his face. "What?"

"Your wallpaper" She said as she admired the picture on the screen in front of her. Kurt took it at Burt and Carols wedding. Finn was standing behind her, with his arms wrapped around her waist. The two of them were looking at one another with goofy grins on their faces.

"Huh?" Finn asked, before he remembered Rachel must have meant his cell phone wallpaper. "Oh, me too…I had Kurt send it to me after the wedding. I really like it…you, you look really pretty" He smiled to himself remembering that night. "Prettiest girl there…just don't tell my Mom" he said with a laugh.

Rachel could feel herself blushing. She loved that he still had that effect on her. After a year of dating on and off, he still had the ability to make her feel so special with one simple complement.

"The bride is always the most stunning one there Finn" Rachel tried to correct in her most serious of voices. "But I'll take a close second" She said before giggling.

After the two had finished talking for the night Rachel put Finns phone on the night stand next to her bed. She couldn't help but grin as she settled herself under her blankets.

She had a good feeling about it this time around. She always felt good with Finn, but things were different. Even though she was afraid that he wouldn't follow her to New York, she couldn't worry about that right now. Rachel Berry was learning to live in the moment, and no matter how hard it was, she was enjoying it. She knew that they would have a lot to talk about as the year was coming to a close, but they had almost a whole year ahead of them, to grow and be with one another.

She had never imagined something as wonderful as this would lie ahead of her. Growing up, when she thought about her future she thought about one thing and one thing only; Broadway Star. That was all there ever was. Sure she saw other girls in high school gush over their boyfriends, who would hug them and kiss them at their lockers before class, but Rachel never thought that was in the cards for her. She was always working towards her goals, her dreams, her ambition driving her full steam ahead towards a promising future. She thought that it would be everything she needed to complete her.

Everything that is, until she met Finn Hudson.

A part of her couldn't help but believe that everything would be okay, and that they would be together. Nothing in her life had ever felt as perfect as this. She wanted desperately to beg him to start to think about his future, to start applying to schools in New York.

But she couldn't. She couldn't make those decisions for him, and she certainly didn't want to scare him off. She remembered back to last year, when she sang the Only Exception to him in Glee. He had to make his own decisions, and she needed to give him the room to do so. To let him grow and be who he was truly meant to be.

No matter how much it pained her to think about him choosing a school that wasn't in New York, she knew their love would be enough. It had to be enough.

It was everything.

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><p>So I wanted to write this chapter because I felt like it would have been a big issue in the back of Rachels mind after everything that Quinn said. I also wanted to show how far they must have come in their months together, as the show depicted such character growth in Rachel being okay with the possibility of Finn working at Burts shop.<p>

As always, please review =).


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